So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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