Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
