I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
