So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
