I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
