How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
