I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
