She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
