if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
