Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
