...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
