Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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