I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
