we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
