You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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