I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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