Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
