You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
