Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
