It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Let's paint friendship bongs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
