To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
