one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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