I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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