My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
