he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
