OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
