Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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