# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
