You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
