...so i touched it.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
