Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
