there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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