So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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