It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
