He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
