Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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