you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
