ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
