We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
