Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Mom said you looked used
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
