Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
