even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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