You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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