Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(808): View more from Hawaii

The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

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(210): View more from Texas

this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.

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(503): View more from Oregon

Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??

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(989): View more from Michigan

i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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(315): View more from New York

Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i think i just naturally attract stoners

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