I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
