As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
