call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
