I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
