I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we have pet lesbian snakes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
