She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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